this beer tastes like vomit already
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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