The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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