That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
