I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
