he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
