My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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