i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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