Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Boobs are out for the taking
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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