i just wanna soil my oats bro
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
