Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
