It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
