I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
