We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
it's like iHOP with fire
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
