just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
