I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
