Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
