I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You may now shotgun with the bride
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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