The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Man, jail baloney is awful.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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