Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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