It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Randomize
