i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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