May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
you would pick up someone in the library
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
