i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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