before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
