I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
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That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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