You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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