tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
