No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
