Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
