You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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