Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
i now understand why vodka
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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