then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
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