thus making me awesome and them whores
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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