was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
