I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
