i permit you to call me
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.