Texts From Last Night

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  (260): View more from Indiana

  I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY

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  (260): I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY http://tfl.nu/3vks
  Replies (4) Good night (2249) Bad night (776)
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  (434): View more from Virginia

  He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text

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  (434): He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text http://tfl.nu/js3q
  Replies (7) Good night (824) Bad night (1241)
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.

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  (504): Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid. http://tfl.nu/2kcb
  Replies (20) Good night (931) Bad night (4373)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.

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  (404): No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it. http://tfl.nu/6j8m
  Replies (24) Good night (1846) Bad night (8690)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month

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  (601): We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month http://tfl.nu/d8l1
  Replies (25) Good night (5570) Bad night (1283)
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  (714): View more from California

  Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.

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  (714): Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover. http://tfl.nu/xecz
  Replies (18) Good night (6745) Bad night (1195)
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  (619): View more from California

  Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.

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  (619): Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me. http://tfl.nu/28u5
  Replies (23) Good night (995) Bad night (4200)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife

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  (306): Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife http://tfl.nu/6k5s
  Replies (15) Good night (1173) Bad night (7099)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.

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  (307): The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though. http://tfl.nu/bysz
  Replies (8) Good night (1039) Bad night (3312)
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  (858): View more from California

  for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers

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  (858): for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers http://tfl.nu/nh9s
  Replies (19) Good night (4377) Bad night (1764)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.

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  (770): Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar. http://tfl.nu/qm52
  Replies (10) Good night (2274) Bad night (1485)
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  (516): View more from New York

  nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex

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  (516): nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex http://tfl.nu/zwof
  Replies (9) Good night (3208) Bad night (1222)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.

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  (416): Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life. http://tfl.nu/bd2a
  Replies (1) Good night (1113) Bad night (533)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!

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  (501): When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out! http://tfl.nu/jsom
  Replies (2) Good night (651) Bad night (419)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void

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  (416): Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void http://tfl.nu/u0o0
  Replies (6) Good night (298) Bad night (508)

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