My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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