When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?