I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Boobs speak an international language.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies