Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.