Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
