Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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