are you still at the devil's house?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
he just fucked me for my cheese.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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