What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
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It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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