sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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