We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
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