I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
