Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
