get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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