Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
