it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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