i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
