I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
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Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
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You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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