Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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