Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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