After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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