if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
