oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
