i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
