I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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