I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Randomize
