I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
