Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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