where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
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he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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